Alumni Speak

I’m not sure if I’m an INTJ (IMLS on TypeBond) because of how I was born… or because of how I was shaped.

My childhood wasn’t stable.

I grew up around a father who was often unavailable, and a mother who carried constant pressure. Being an army kid, we moved frequently. Just when I started settling in, it was time to leave again.

New school. New environment. Same reset.

I never really had long-term friendships. Just phases.

And home didn’t always feel emotionally secure either.

Some experiences from that time stayed with me:

Going through strict school punishment that stayed with me
Facing repeated social situations that made me feel physically and emotionally unsafe
Being exposed to situations as a teenager that I wasn’t mature enough to process

None of this looked dramatic from the outside. But internally, it builds patterns.

I became quiet, observant, and mostly stayed in my own head.

Over time, even my presence changed.

My voice became thin, hesitant. My posture slightly slouched. I carried a kind of intensity that I didn’t understand myself. People would interact, but rarely stay long. After a few minutes, something about my energy made them uncomfortable.

I didn’t know how to fix that. I just knew I was different.

Early adulthood: confusion around identity and connection

At school, I once thought I had fallen in love.

Only to realise later that the person felt uncomfortable around me.

Under pressure, my way of coping became trying to “find love” in unhealthy ways.

Movies became an escape. I started expressing emotions in ways that didn’t match how I was perceived externally. I was expected to be a composed, disciplined “army kid,” but internally I was searching for connection, often overexpressing it.

Around that time, I found someone through Orkut.

It became a long-distance connection. We met only four times.

She had gone through her own loss, someone she had been deeply attached to. She didn’t quite “fit in” either.

I remember one moment clearly.

She took me to a coffee shop, ordered a café mocha, and pointed at the small heart drawn in the foam.

For the first time, I felt someone intuitively matching my vibe.

It felt like the emotions I had only seen in films were finally happening in real life. Almost like my first real “feeling” experience.

She supported me in ways I didn’t fully understand back then. Even booking flight tickets for me using money her parents had set aside for her education, because I was always broke.

But both of us had unresolved chaos.

Mine, especially.

That didn’t last.

College phase: where patterns repeated

During college, I got into another relationship with a junior.

She came from her own difficult background and didn’t quite “fit in” either.

It wasn’t a betrayal story. It was more of a chaotic mismatch.

She genuinely did a lot for me:

Supported me financially at times
Helped me become more social
Included me in group settings

But I struggled.

I was insecure, always overthinking, expecting things to go wrong. I couldn’t stay consistent emotionally.

Eventually, the relationship ended, and she moved towards a more stable path.

Looking back, I can clearly see I contributed to that outcome.

Career growth, but internal instability

Academically, I was average.

It took me a year after my graduation to find a job. I joined a startup and started learning market research and digital marketing.

That phase changed my career trajectory.

Within two years, I became a project manager with a good salary.

But internally, not much had changed.

I was still withdrawn. Still overthinking.

Career became my control point

So I focused harder.

I quit my job and started a market research firm with a friend.

It worked. Fast.

Within a year, we built something valued at over half a million USD.

From the outside, things looked sorted.

Inside, I still felt incomplete.

This is where things started changing

I started exploring philosophy, mythology, and structured ways of understanding the mind.

At the same time, I came across personality frameworks based on Jungian typology.

I tested as an INTJ (IMLS on TypeBond).

Instead of blindly accepting it, I tested it on 100+ people.

It wasn’t perfect, but it gave me something important:

A framework.

For the first time, I wasn’t “wrong.”

I was just wired in a certain way.

What I realised about life and marriage

In India, there’s silent pressure around marriage timelines.

What I kept noticing was this:

People were entering marriages without understanding themselves… or each other.

And then repeating patterns across generations.

Looking back at my parents, I could see how mismatched ways of thinking without awareness created long-term pressure.

I didn’t want that.

Meeting her

I met her offline.

What stood out immediately was her presence.

There was something unique about her, even visually. A subtle detail like her hearing implant caught my attention, but more than that, it was how she communicated.

She spoke in patterns, in symbols, in meaning, like a true MisFit.

I could sense her type almost instantly.

Different background. Different upbringing.

On paper, it would look complicated.

But that didn’t matter.

All I needed to know was:

Is she willing to understand the personality framework?

Is she ready for a life that won’t look conventional?

How I knew she was the one

She agreed to go through the pre-marriage orientation.

That told me everything.

A structured approach changed everything

Instead of randomly trying to “find the right person,” I came across a simple idea:

An invite-only pre and post-marriage orientation platform for MisFits, based on Jungian typology.

The model is built on a mix of:

Indian traditions of inner enquiry
Classical philosophy from Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle
Structured reasoning from René Descartes and Francis Bacon
Typology insights from Carl Jung

How it worked (simple, but powerful)

Step 1: Self-evaluation

You write down your preferences on a piece of paper. Then repeat it for your partner or prospective partner.

Step 2: First call

A simple preference discussion. Yes or No format.

Expert-led, completely anonymous. No names required.

Step 3: Second call (critical)

This is where things get clear:

PILOT → your blindspot (mine was repressed sensing and my reward system - Sensations on TypeBond)

CO-PILOTS → your supporting strengths

EMERGENCY BRAKE → your response under extreme pressure

My biggest insight

As an INTJ (IMLS on TypeBond), my emergency brake was Welfare (Extroverted Feeling).

Under pressure, instead of operating naturally, I would:

People please

Seek forced harmony

Overextend emotionally

This made me vulnerable.

Especially because it wasn’t my natural strength.

What I should have been using more:

Commandment (Extroverted Thinking) → taking control without guilt

Obedience (Introverted Feeling) → internal alignment

Once I understood this, things started making sense.

Even the patterns from childhood.

What changed after that

For the first time, I wasn’t trying to “fix” myself randomly.

I had structure.

I had language.

I had awareness.

I also realised something important:

When you can intuitively understand and apply things, everyone around you starts to change as a reaction to it. A simple self-declaration is all it needed from my end.

When things go extremely wrong, that’s often the turning point.

You just need the right way to channel it.

What life looks like now

We’re not perfect.

We have disagreements.

But now we understand what’s happening when things go wrong.

We literally say things like:

“Looks like the emergency brake is on”

“That’s not your pilot”

And if things feel unbalanced, we revisit structured discussions again.

What I learned

Your past can create patterns, but it doesn’t decide your future

Most problems are pattern problems, not people problems

The right partner is not about similarity, but about understanding

For me, the biggest shift was simple:

From reacting blindly → to understanding structurally

That changed everything.